When I first began my four years at Azusa Pacific University, I thought I had my relationship with Christ founded on a firm foundation; I thought nothing could shake it. It was my sophomore year when I began to rebel against what I had been taught and began to push the boundaries of activities I could associate with as a Christian, and believe me, I pushed A LOT. I got away with things for two years; no immediate consequences seemed to arise. But it was the first semester of my senior year when God began to take me on the most terrifying, frustrating, and challenging ride of my life (thus far). That first semester, I immediately began to lose things: many friendships, opportunities, a romantic relationship, and ultimately my spiritual relationship with Christ. Things went downhill fast, and stress and frustration crept in so deeply into my life to the point of depression, but still, I told no one about it. I got angry with God instead. I questioned my trust in Him and even my devotion to Him. The Christmas holiday break of 2016 was the worst I ever experienced, solely because of the hate I held in my own heart. My heart was broken, calloused, and tired out. It wasn’t until the very beginning of the second semester that I spoke to people about my anger and circumstances. It was in the midst of that fellowship and discussion that I understood that God was renewing my heart because the matter was with it, not Him. The consequences of my past actions now began to catch up to me. And from that struggle, conviction, and self-examination, my idea for A Matter of the Heart. I then began choosing verses that commented on the heart instead of the whole body itself. By doing this, I was forced back into God’s light and presence, and while I made the works for the show, I ran closer toward Him instead of running farther away. The show focuses on themes like heartbreak, warnings about the callousing of the heart, warnings against the denial of Christ in one’s heart, the renewal of the heart, and the fruits of the heart. It is a product of my processing of the transformation I was undergoing; many days and nights, while I worked on the pieces for the show, I wept, cried out to, praised, and spoke to God. Now, while it would be great to say that my heart is completely repaired from the corruption I put it through, it’s not the case. Up to this day, I’m still in the process of being brought out of the hole I dug myself into. I still struggle, fall, and stumble occasionally, but with each passing day, my faith and relationship with God are being restored. This is NOT an easy process. As the Psalmist says in Psalm 66:10, the Lord refines each of us like silver, a process that is excruciating at times, but in the end, the product is pure and precious silver created for His glory.

All in all, I couldn’t be happier with the journey the show took me on, especially because it was unexpected but also necessary to begin BEFORE I left college. Its planning and occurrence is a milestone in my life and will continue to be points of reference.